Thought Babble: I can't... I just can't.

7:08:00 PM

Typography by: Lari Gazmen

I have always been the girl who uses her heart more than her brain. Is that bad? Maybe... I don't really know. 

I always have this thinking that its better to save someone else than saving myself first. 


Maybe because I am a big sister and I have this protective instinct in my soul that I always have to protect the people around me.

Maybe because I am also the only girl left here in the Philippines so my family has always been so protective of me so I have adapted that.

Maybe because I needed a little saving too.

A lot of people think that I am super strong just because I always defend my cousins, best friends or my boyfriend when they are in mishaps. People tend to hate me because of it. I speak my mind especially when I see the people closest to me getting hurt because of wrongful accusations from people. Do you know that happens next? The finger will be pointed towards me. 

This went on for a couple of years.

I've had this mentality, "Ako na lang, wag na siya."

People would hate on me and say bad things about me because they think that I'm pry-ing on their lives. I would hear a lot of gossips about me... Like no joke. Some people would create so many stories beyond your wildest imagination.

The worst of it all is when you try to do the right thing but other people see it as if you're the mean one.  I can't even defend myself because for them, no matter how you try to be right, you'll always be wrong.

At first its okay. I mean, yeah. You kind of just let it slide and not mind it because who cares anyway. Right? 

Maybe they are not aware that I am human too. I get hurt. A lot.

Sometimes I just want to hide under a rock and undo all the things I said, did or whatever. Its frustrating at times that no matter how much you try to be there for people or no matter how much you try to be nice to them, there is no guarantee that they'll do the same.

When years go by it gets into me to. You tend to ask yourself "I saved them. Who's going to save me now?"

I can't... I just can't. 

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