Thought Babble: Quarter Life Crisis

10:15:00 PM


The quarter life crisis is a period of life usually ranging from the late teens to the early thirties, in which a person begins to feel doubtful about their own lives, brought on by the stress of becoming an adult. The term was coined by analogy with midlife crisis. -wikipedia

I am 21 years old, I have a job, I am in a stable relationship and I am in this point in my life where in I'm in between being a teen and being a grown up. So where do I start?

Honestly, I am feeling a million kinds of emotions. I feel like I want to do tons of things but I don't know where to start. I don't know if some things are worth pursuing or whatever. What to feel? How to feel?

I am excited.
I feel lost.
I have so many questions where in I don't know when I'll be able to know the answers to.
I am scared.

I am excited.
I want to see what life has in store for me. I want to see how I'd look like 10 years from now. I want to be able to say to myself that "I've been through so much. I made it!"

I feel lost.
I actually can't picture what my life would be like 10 years from now. Sometimes, I want to be a leader in the current company that I'm in. I want to be able to influence the lives of others through the stories I have to tell. Sometimes, I want to be a stylist. I want to be able to share my ideas and my creations to other people and see what they'd have to say about it. Sometimes, I want to work in a magazine like my first dream. I want to be a creative director and see  my ideas come to life. Sometimes, I want to be a housewife. I want to see my kids grow right before my eyes knowing that I gave them the utmost care that they need. So, what do I really want? I don't know.

I have so many questions where in I don't know when I'll be able to know the answers to. 
Most of you don't know it but I am actually going through a lot in life right now. I am not in my best shape emotionally, physically and spiritually. There are a lot of things going on and I struggle in knowing why these things are happening to me. I tend to blame myself whenever things don't fall as planned. I am the type of person who needs constant assurance. I know that is the main reason why I'm having this crisis to begin with. I'm okay... I'll be okay.

I am scared. 
How does one make a drastic change of being dependent into becoming her own self? Where do I start? Is there an instruction manual to life? I don't want to make a bunch of mistakes again. I'm afraid of making mistakes. I feel like I've been through it so many times that I want to actually go through the good stuff like how its supposed to be. 

I know that people should know what they're supposed to feel, right? All I know is that I always feel like I have this empty hole in my chest. Why? I don't really know. 

Sometimes I just find myself crying because life frustrates me. I just want to feel like I am sure with life. I want to be able to feel like I have everything in front of me and I'll be okay. Sadly, life doesn't guarantee rainbows and butterflies.

People say that what I'm going through is natural. They say that its a beautiful thing that I'm finally in this transition  of being the woman that I want to be. I just hope that it's true.

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