People Series: Special Kind Of Marriage

10:43:00 PM

"Behind every SAF trooper is a strong wife."

I have always admired women who are married to "men in unform". I find it amazing that despite great lengths of distance and fear they manage to trust each other that in great love comes great risks and they're willing to take that... No questions asked.

Recently, a lot of my friends or acquaintaces are getting married or getting engaged. ~YES, YOU READ THAT RIGHT~ So I have watched their APVs and have seen their pictures which led me to picking my next person to be featured here on the People Series.

Viviene Ann Rayos-Salem is one of my favorite people in the world. I met her when Arvic went inside PNPA and she has been a constant "advisor" in my life ever since. 

Ate Vien is a SAF wife. Her husband is included in one of those commandos who survived the Mamasapano incident. 

I decided to feature her because she's one of the strongest women that I know of... Here are the questions I asked her. 

1. How long have you been together Sir Salem? 

Amil and I have been together for more than 5 years. We're really excited to celebrate our 6th year as a couple and our 1st wedding Anniversary this year. Hehe!

2. How did you cope from the adjustment from being a cadet girlfriend to a SAF wife?

Being an Officer's Girlfriend is not really far from being a Kaydet Girlfriend. You will also take with you and use the patience and understanding that you have mastered when you were still a KG. Haha! But as for me who wasn't able to experience being a KG and having a SAF Officer as a boyfriend and husband, is really challenging! 

Even though I came from a family of uniformed men, it was only then when I became an OG i learned about SAF. It really scared the hell out of me knowing the training and the work that my partner will go through! It made me think of how our relationship will survive with such kind of challenge. Will I surpass it? Will I get use to his apologies whenever he needs to go and serve his task? How long can my patience and understanding take me? But as our relationship grow, with some of my emotional tantrums and selfishness in between, my understanding and patience have blossomed too. (I guess that's what love does? You're bound to embrace and accept everything! Haha) 

If I am asked to describe and compare myself then and now, I can say that I have somehow improved! Naks! When I was still his GF, I am too lax!If I worry regarding their operation, I always react late because the moment has passed. Hahaha! That's why it was so difficult for me to understand his point and I always get angry at him for not telling me much. But somehow it helped too that he wasn't telling me anything about their whereabouts or operations so I was just so chill.

But now that I am his wife, all the chillaxing has disappeared! Hahah! My worries have gotten a hundred times stronger after the Mamasapano Incident. Especially when I took a vacation for a month on the area they were assigned to. It opened my eyes in SAF's real situation. The adjustment transition from an OG to a wife wouldn't be easy if not from the advices of my mother and of my husband's situation. It made me realized that selfishness wouldn't help at all. I just only need to give my full trust in God and in my husband to be able to handle this great responsibility of being an Officer's wife.

3. How do you deal with the distance when your husband is not around?

Distance is hard, but it gets harder when it comes with a package of fears and worries of your husband's safety. You always think of what he is about to go through everyday. I think, it is ok to feel worried because it makes you express your love and care even more to your husband.

But, it also shouldn't be an excuse for you to do that! You love and you care for your husband because you do! And since you do really love and care, you should also realize that your worries make your husband worried too! Thus, making him distracted from work. Hehe. You should not let yourself wallow in fears, worries and loneliness because it only makes the day count slow, stress you, and distract you as well. It keeps you away from being productive, too. After all, none of you doesn't really want to be in this situation. 

For me, the best way to deal with distance is to improve yourself by being productive with work, family and kids without forgetting your time with your husband through your constant communication and updates. You should always make him feel that he is loved and needed despite the miles. And also, your simple ways of showing him your affection serves a great impact and it really brightens their lonesome day, for it brings a lot of joy and meaning which keeps them fueled and striving for success even if they are away from their family.

4. How do you deal with the disadvantages of your husband's work? What do you do to cope?

There are so many work hazards in the uniformed line, particularly in SAF, which make any wife tremendously worried and nervous. That is why dealing with these risks is not an easy task. The only choice is to accept and face whatever the reality may bring. They always say that our uniformed husbands are married first to their profession in protecting and serving our country. 

So as wives, we have to understand and accept this pledge with an open heart and mind. We should give them our utmost support at all times even if it brings us heartaches or sacrificing a special moment together. You have to be brave for him and for your children because you are also their source of strength. 

5. What are your advices to current cadet girlfriends and future SAF wives?

Continue and be more prayerful, strong, patient, understanding, loving and supportive, no matter what. This is your fighting chance to surpass the challenging time and distance, to be truly and genuinely happy. When you are a wife, the challenge of keeping these attitudes intact gets hard and should be doubled. Because its double the fear, double the scare and double the reminders to him (hehe), not like when you are boyfriend-girfriend status that you feel the feat but not as much. For a wife, the feeling of fear is exagerated. Also, the effort from you as a wife is extended even more which could sometimes result in misunderstanding the situation.

There's nothing wrong in showing that you're hurt. Just be honest with yourself and your feelings so he, too, will also understand.. But sometimes, there is a different case. Because whenever you choose to be selfish and impose your demands, the feeling of guilt comes in, which could complicate your relationship and makes it harder for him, especially when he is under pressure in his work. Avoid the possibility of regrets.

Just give all the honesty and sincerity of your love and affection, because time is precious and you are only given a small piece of it whenever he gets a chance to be with you. You wouldn't want that single moment together be spent in sulking or petty quarrels. Do not let emotions take you, rather reflect on the consequences of your actions. Prove to yourselves that you deserve each other, that you can meet halfway and make things in your relationship work, and that, both of you are willing to share in the ups and downs of life. 

It takes great courage and effort not only from you, but from the BOTH of you. Marrying a man in uniform is not easy, it is a commitment of selfless sacrifice and requires a strong heart, but the happiness it gives is simply uplifting. Fear is inevitable. But your prayers, your strong faith and trust in God, and to your husband could lighten the burdens completely, and it makes everything seem possible and positive. 

Nothing could go wrong when you lift everything to God. And most of all, nothing can be compared in the joy and fulfillment of dedicating yourself in serving and caring for the one you love and seeing him grateful in all of your ways. 

Every support you give to all his endeavors will definitely inspire and motivate him to become better and to pursue the best for your family's future.

If ever that I am asked who my favorite couple is... they'll always be my answer. I deeply pray that when Arvic and I are already in this postion that we will surpass every challenge as much as they did. I wish nothing but the best for you Ate Vien and Sir Salem!


Here's the link to their very kilig SDE video!
Ahmil and Vivien's Wedding!

All photos are from Mrs. Viviene Ann Rayos-Salem.

You Might Also Like