I have gained weight. So what?

8:10:00 AM

I know its been a while since I posted something new and some readers have been asking me when I’ll be posting new content. So I’m back after 5 months (Woah! It’s been that long??) with some rawness that I hope people would appreciate. 

I gained weight. A lot of weight actually. 

I am also really exhausted with all the comments and questions on how I gained so much weight and how it would “affect my career.” 

Here, let me give you a list of what I’ve heard over the last year: 
  • “Oh wow, you’ve gain so much weight! How are your sponsors gonna take it?”
  • “This weight gain... You’re going to be as fat as me now!”
  • “But you’ve gained weight, will that outffit you?”
  • “I don’t think you’re right for the project since you’ve gained weight.” 
  • “Wow! You’re big!” 

And the list goes on and on..

I don't think that I owe anyone any explanation because last time I checked, as long as I am decent person and my weight isn't a reason for anyone's despair (other than my own), why should it concern others too? 

A little over 6 years ago, I was so affected with how I would look and thought that my self worth is linked to my weight so I started binge eating and puking everything out  once I had a tiny hint that I was full. I was so scared that I'm going to be easily replaced by the person I loved that puking had become an easy escape aside from developing the habit of eating only tofu and fried rice (once a day) with a side of three rounds of work out per day. 

I was so unhappy inside even when my exterior appearance had gotten so many praises from my colleagues, friends and loved ones. That's how I lived for a while, I lived in such a way that the standards of society were my only standards, nothing else. 

In the course of getting out of a toxic relationship, having some time for myself and figuring out who I really am on my own... I started eating what I wanted, met the love of my life who loves trying out new food with me, enjoyed meals and really digested it (lol) thus I gained weight.

Going through what I have, I now think that being healthy is also having a sound mental health aside from what is easily seen by the eye. 

I think that people have this notion that since I am a person who shares bits and pieces of  her life through social media and blogging, that also means have right to critique me in such a way that  I am not entitled to some feelings (?) which angers me so much. 

If gaining weight means having a good mental state and not having to say sorry for having the life that I have now, by all means I am good. 

If my journey to "physical fitness" is slowly creeping into my health and self confidence, I am fine now. I don't need to be your kind of healthy. 

I've gained weight but I have also gained the strength to help me understand that being "a one size fits all" doesn't necessarily mean that you are beautiful. I've also realized that being thin doesn't always equate to being healthy if it means that my mental health is being poked through. 

I've come to terms with the fact that if people think that I owe them some kind of explanation why I gained weight, you are the kind of unhealthy weight I need off of my life.  

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