It was no secret that I went through really tough times in my life. There were times when I had to drag myself off of my bed just to live another day. It might sound exaggerated but it did happen. It was such a dark time in my life and I kept telling myself that this might be the end. This might just be it for me.
I was in such a bad place mentally and spiritually when I got him. I was so unhappy with my previous job and I was feeling unfulfilled. I remember picking him from the pack and telling myself, "I hope that he will help me because if he doesn't, I don't know what I would do."
After I got Bleu, I felt like the tiny hole in my life has been filled with so much joy. I was absolutely sure that he is mine and that all my love that I couldn't even find within myself would all be for him.
I can be sad and not know who I am yet to be and Bleu wouldn't judge me. He wouldn't care. He'd love me for the good and the bad. He didn't need me to know where I was going... he just would love me for me.
One of the most challenging times in my life was when my mom decided to move out of the house and live her life with her boyfriend. I had a hard time accepting this because my mom was all I had for the past 24 years. I fell into another phase of loneliness but Bleu was there for me.
I know that you might find this hard to believe but Bleu would sleep beside me whenever I cried at night as if he feels my pain. I knew that he didn't have the ability to ask me how I was or if I'm going to be okay but knowing that he was there made things a little better for me.
I felt like Bleu also felt my pain. I knew that I needed to make an extra effort to live my life because someone depended on me. Humans can tell us what they're feeling but dogs can't. I knew that I had to make certain changes that would make his life comfortable too.
I tried harder.
I would always be there person who would need an explanation why bad things happen but with Bleu by my side, I learned to let things go. I learned that there's so much more to life than answers to questions. Years ago, I didn't even know why there is a need for me to get a dog but now, I know the answer to that.
Bleu taught me how to be responsible for others and myself without even asking why. He taught me that being responsible for myself and helping others without any question is the greatest way to show your love for them. Words won't matter if you can't walk the talk.
And most importantly, he made me realize that I am enough. My flaws and imperfections won't matter as long as I know who I am.
I love you more than words, Bleu. Thank you for saving me. Please live a long life because I wouldn't know who I am without you.
All my love,
Mom
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