How I Got Through After My 4 Year Relationship Ended

9:58:00 PM



Hi readers! I am finally back after a month long unexpected hiatus. I'm sorry if I was gone without warning but I am back with a personal blog to start of my comeback with a whole new and better perspective in life.

After more than four years of being in a serious relationship, I am now single. Its so weird that after being in a relationship with my best friend for so long and seeing that relationship as something that would never end but did is something that have bruised my heart. It maybe the one of the biggest struggles that I had to go through last year.

I am not writing this blog post to say any specifics about why or how our relationship ended... I am writing this blog entry to share my thoughts on how I moved on after my long term relationship that might also be helpful to others too.

Unfriend and unfollow.
I know that this might sound bitter for some but this has really helped me especially when things didn't end well. Seeing things on the the internet and seeing daily updates will not help a healing heart. If two people are meant to be friends, you'll eventually find your way back to being friends if its in God's will.

Pursue those hobbies, passion projects and talents that you've put on hold.
While I was in a relationship, I had a lot of things that I've put on a hiatus. There are even some passion projects that I thought that I'd never pursue again to give way to things that I thought would make me happier. Now that I'm on my own and continued doing them, I realized that those stuff that I put on hold were some of the things that made me the happiest. I should have not compromised my happiness for someone else's happiness.

There is nothing wrong with you.
This is probably the biggest problem that I had when I was still trying to figure out why things ended. I was left hanging with no explanation so I kept blaming myself. I remembered me telling my friends "Is this because I let him do the things that he wanted without saying anything?" and when I found out that he cheated on me what I said was "Is this because I am not a jealous type of girl?". After a few weeks of trying to make sense of it all, my friend Justine told me something that stuck, "When somebody decides to leave, it doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you. It often means that there is something wrong with the person who left because the person finally realized you don't share the same ideals in life anymore. He just...changed."

You don't have to date anyone until you're ready because this is not a race.
A common mistake that someone commits after a heartbreak is trying to find someone who fills the space that was left. At first, I was a bit guilty about doing this. I "went out" with someone who was my "ideal guy". I liked the attention that he gave me. We had this routine for a few months but sooner or later I realized that this wasn't the time to have a relationship yet. I was still hurting. "Falling" or "liking" someone wouldn't help my healing. I need to be okay with being on my own before I can start being myself with someone else again.

Be at ease with being on your own.
A few months ago, I couldn't even be by myself. I am either at home with my family or going out with my friends. After a few weeks of doing those things in repeat, I realized that there are things that my family and friends couldn't do with me. As much as they'd love to stay with me everyday, there are things that I can only do on my own. At first, it will hurt. It will take sometime before you finally accept that you are doing things without someone there. But when you reach that point acceptance, you'll get a better perspective on how good it is to be your own independent person again.

You? What are the things that helped you after your long term relationship ended? You can share them on the comment section below! <3

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8 comments

  1. I love how you wrote this Blanche!!! <3 I don't know how breaking up from a long-term relationship feels actually but having read your post made me somehow feel what you have felt. It must be so hard for you and I'm glad that you have moved on now. Everything happens for a reason and someday I know you'll find out what it is. :)

    xx, Ella | Wandering Ella

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    1. Awwww. Thank you so much for reading my post because it did take a lor of courage for me to write this. Your kind words are much appreciated. <3 Thanks for dropping by, Ella! I hope to see you soon! :)

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  2. You're just brave! So brave Blanche! Congratulations in finding happiness after a devastating storm. Go girl, you deserve to be happy again :)

    Wannderzel by Hazel

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    1. You always had the nicest things to say. <3 Thank you so much, Hazel! That means to much to me. :)

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    2. I just adore how brave you are to face what had happened. And I can see how happy you are these days.
      Wannderzel by Hazel

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    3. Awwww. Things are better now. Thank you so much, Hazel! :D

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  3. I do not know how a long term relationship break-up feels but you're so brave on writing this. I agree with unfriend and unfollow, it helps you to get over about the shared memories because hell yeah everything's there. But i hope everything is okay now :)

    Kai // Kitty Journal (www.kittyjournal.com)

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    1. All is well now, Kai. Thank you so much for reading! <3

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